As you travel the twists of Twitter
As you pass through the Lands of Zuck
And the frogs and the pinks overwhelm you with links
And the links overwhelmingly suck
When the Redditors ask if you’ve read it
When the TikTokkers talk and tic
Hold this admonition close to your breast:
It’s bad on purpose to make you click.

No actual person believes it
It isn’t a national trend
Some loony in Maine with a turd for a brain
Said some idiot thing, the end
Some intern from Williams or Amherst
Wrote all of it up, real slick
And now it’s the front page of WaPo
But it’s bad on purpose to make you click.

Some galaxy-brainer in Brooklyn
Says that kids should be thrown in a bog
Or that you’ve “revealed your white privilege”
If you don’t let them murder your dog
Or that liking cats makes you a Nazi
Or that reading books makes you a dick
Or that sunsets are transphobic
It’s bad on purpose to make you click.

If you shoot back a twelve-page rebuttal
With an indexed list of their lies
They’ll laugh like demented hyenas
As engagement metrics rise
If you even admit their existence
Then you’re falling for their trick
Let them rot in their lair as you starve them of air
It’s bad on purpose to make you click.

This invincible mantra will banish
All the demons of Mara and Baal
When spoken, all troubles vanish
When thought, all sorrows fall
It’s a sword that cuts through illusion
And burns it to the quick
Inscribe it upon your forehead:
It’s bad on purpose to make you click.